i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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