Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
