I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
