I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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