It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
