You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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