the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
