they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
