I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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