So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
