Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
