you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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