Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
