Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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