I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
