i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
