This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
