Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
