she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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