Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
