you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
