So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
