i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
