it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
