around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
