i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
