what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
