On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
