Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
