His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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