the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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