When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
