They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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