My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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