your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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