Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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