I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
