I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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