you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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