I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His nipple licking is glorious
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