Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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