She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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