Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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