i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
