Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize