Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
