OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
