Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
