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• (586): View more from Michigan

  On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.

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• (530): View more from California

  He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  My dick has a subreddit

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am

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