i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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