I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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