lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
