At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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