is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
