Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
