everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
