I will die if light touches me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize