This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We don't watch enough power rangers
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
