Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
