You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
