Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
