I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
