so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
