I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
