I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
