yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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