Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
