You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i will never coherently bang her
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
